Friday, January 18, 2008

It's My Body and I'll Cry if I Want To

So, I went to the rheumatologist yesterday... the last you've probably heard was that I was off of all of my medicines and feeling great (October/November-ish)... I went into second guess mode and pretty much convinced myself that there was neevr any RA, that it was Lymes or something else. I was able to shed a few (just a few) pounds and start to feel pretty optimistic.

Over the last few weeks the pain has been creeping back into my feet, hands, and knees. I haven't really been able to rotate my shoulder or walk without fairly strong pain, so I figured it was time that I went back to El Doctor. The bottom line is that I do have Rheumatoid Arthritis (Denial ain't just a river!) and we have about 2.5 years of consistent bloodwork to prove it. Clearly bummed, Joe and I talked with her to see how we should proceed so that I don't do any more damage to my joints and deteriorate further.

After an hour of hemming and hawing, I (tentatively) agreed to go back on the meds... weekly injections and a fairly heavy dose of methotrexate. Joe's essentially going to have to smother my arm with numbing gel and wait an hour before he sneaks up and jabs we with a needle. Sounds a little S&M, but I assure you that the crying and hyperventilating is not coming from any pleasure! ;) That, and please disregard any crazy talk you've heard about me wanting a baby b/c it's just not in the cards! It wasn't in the cards anyway, but now its plain old impossible.

I'm going to go see a crazy little Asian guy who's going to clear my body's energy field (or Qi. See QiGong.) with the hopes that the RA will miraculously disappear. I'm also going to try Tai Chi or anything that claims it will work... after all, studies show that eastern medicine really helps with this. I also think I'll buy up any pain relieving gel that an infomercial boasts will take away pain... and load up on lots of painkillers!

The silver lining (as faint as it may be) is that I'm still young and if I can suck it up now, I won't be crippled in twenty years... so here's hoping that I can get over this needle thing!
I apologize for the inpersonal and public airing of grievances, but it's a sensitive topic and I really don't have the energy to tell the story multiple times!

We're off to Deep Creek for the weekend... see you after MLK!

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